Driving through the Finger Lakes, right smack dab in the middle of them, just a stones throw from the town of Ovid is a town. The sign driving into the town of Middle Finger Lake® says: “Where life is perfect but could always be better”.

History of Middle Finger Lake

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The story of Middle Finger Lake® goes back to the late 19th century when the majority of the town’s ancestors came over on a sailing ship, called the Agita right after the Civil War. Any of those of you who know what the word agita means lets you know that that should’ve given them some pause, but I digress.

They were primarily southern European farmers and tradespeople not looking to impress anybody and had a history of being exceptionally frugal. This is why they decided to board the boat together and get a group rate.

Being a discount transportation line with a crew that was not all that well seasoned, after a long and arduous journey the boat didn’t end up in New York City but ended up in Bayonne, New Jersey directly across the river.

At this point the future “Middle-Lakians” needed to make a decision. They could go across the river to New York with its shiny allure or get out of New Jersey as quickly as possible, a sentiment pretty much held by everybody who’s ever been to New Jersey.

Having heard Horace Greeley’s advice to “go west young man”. They elected who they thought had the most skills to lead them west. They elected a fella, Isaac Isaac who, incidentally, was the inspiration for the “who’s on first” comedy routine by Abbot and Costello.

Story goes that Mr. Isaac was asked by the immigration man in Bayonne for his name, last name first. He said “ Isaac” . Then he was asked for his first name which he replied “Isaac”. Then the guy says “I had your last name already tell me your first name”. Well we all knows how this goes. So with that Mr. Isaac was sent out for psychological evaluation which in the 1800s much more close to waterboarding than actual care.

Mr. Isaac was eventually released as his wife finally retrieved his birth certificate that was in the lost luggage from the boat.

Mr. Isaac was a frugal farmer by trade and all townspeople looked forward to his leadership in direction and preparation. The only problem was that he was a little too frugal. Bayonne was not a place well known for having many stores selling items needed for a long journey. Mr. Isaac took it upon himself that he would go to Bob’s Discount Compass and Used Oats store. For any of those who know what used oats are you know what I’m talking about, but I digress again.

It was April when they all set out for what they thought was due west. They wanted to go to Indiana or California ( this is still a bone of contention to this day ) but they certainly didn’t want to go Northwest to upstate New York.

By September they had enough schlepping around and decided to settle wherever they were. Where they were was smack dab in the idle of the Finger Lakes. They incorporated the Town of Middle Finger Lake® in 1869.

Being a pleasant sort of people and wanting to be encouraging of goodwill, at the first town board meeting a suggestion was made that in the course of the each day each resident townsperson should greet the other with a positive sign of encouragement and it should be different than a handshake. A handshake was all too common.

A tanner named Gunther Spiegel suggested that the number one sign (the index finger) that we all use today would be appropriate as opposed to a handshake. Well, Gunther was voted down for his lack of creativity and it was suggested that the next finger over should be used with we all know is the “middle finger”. It was voted on and adopted.

Nobody thought this one through.

The whole concept had to be revised in what has become to be known as the “Penn Yan debacle”.

You see, Middle Finger Lake's undertaker Charlie McPherson visited the town of Penn Yan to have his wagon repaired and instead of offering a handshake to the blacksmith Charlie offered him the middle finger.

The blacksmith, a naturally quick tempered man, was just off having had an intense argument with his wife that morning. Having no patience he gave Charlie a beating he did not deserve.

So poor old beaten up and bloody Charlie came back and the met with the Middle Finger Lake® town board and that was the first incident of them actually repealing a law.

Middle Finger Lake®

Next episode:
“The History of the First Church of the Middle Finger”

Christmas 2024

2024 was one of those years that gives people in and around Middle Finger Lakes more anxiety than they are used to. Snuggled in between the fork of Keuka Lake, the town doesn’t have a lot of drive by traffic. There’s no Thruway there's not an east-west road of any consequence. If you travel south you get to the lake and if you travel north you actually you get to a lake too. East and west…. lake.

In most big cities the activity revolves around the banks and financial institutions. Middle Finger Lakes activity revolves around Martha's Frugal Farmer dinner, smack dab in the middle of town.

When you're in a place like Middle Finger Lake everything seems to be happening far away from you. The trouble in the Middle East, Ukraine it's all like heat lightning over the horizon on a summer day. You know it's there, but you can't do much about it and you hope this storm is not coming your way.

The one diner has been there for longer than anyone can remember. After what war was it that the old rail car was converted to a diner? People have forgotten.

You can see Martha Walpole standing behind the counter at breakfast time wiping with a towel as she cleans the remnants left by the counter customers. “Counter customers” are generally farmers and mechanics all by themselves or newly divorced men who don’t know how to cook. Ed Bova is sitting alone at the counter now. He is usually there with Susan and the three kids. Trouble at home? Martha knows better than to ask.

Martha is a sweet soul, one of those women who is aging gracefully. She and Bob never had kids of their own and grew up in the day where not the options we have now. She carries this sadness with her.

She looks sadly at the table of 6 in the corner Roberto (Robbie) and Sophia Fernandez with their four kids. She knows them. She owns a 2013 Buick. Robbie is a mechanic at “Bobs Pretty Good Buick, Sophia works at the school as an “AA”, and she has no trouble saying she is a secretary. Like most of the people in the town “putting on airs” is not her style. They are struggling. The price of simple commodities like eggs is double what it used to be and it affects people like them more than others. She has no time to think about climate change, pronouns or river cruises, it’s tough enough to food on the table.

The family is there for a treat, a Christmas Eve breakfast. Martha has a way with pancake recepies. It’s a gift. Some people can create music like Motzart, some can paint like da Vinci, God gave Martha the ability to create a pancake recipes. They are so light and fluffy you wondered if there were such delights anywhere else on the planet. Oh it’s not one pancake, it’s a pancake rainbow of choices. “Maple apricot pecan” or Apple Ginger” or “Drowning in Chocolate” (which some claim there is no pancake in it at all)

‘Pancakes so good if you were going to be hanged in prison you’d order them for your last meal.” Her husband Bob would tell customers. “That’s CRUDE Bob !, just follow the damned recipe !” Martha would say

Bob, is not only her husband but is her partner and cook and submits to her request. Where would they be without the pancakes?

Martha has had to raise her prices. It was not so bad until the COVID thing ended, and it made every basic item more expensive.

She knows how hard the family must be struggling and that going out for breakfast is hard for them financially.

Martha has a good soul hopes they understand that she's struggling too.

Bob has been the cook for 50 years .

The fact is it wasn't always “Martha's Frugal Farmer Diner”. Martha and Bob met each other there when they were both 16, 53 years ago. He washed dishes she waited tables. Present times are tough they still do a bit of both. Back then the name on the diner was simply “Diner”, it was lacking creativity but certainly getting to the point.

Through pluck, luck and hard work they were able to scrape enough money together years ago to buy out the old owners who were about the same age as they are now

The only thing is that now times have changed, they’re wondering what they're going to do now in their old age. They can’t retire just on their social security and there are few people who want to buy an old country diner who's been around for 75 years. Kids don’t come in to get a malt and burger and feed a jukebox anymore.

It’s happened to one business then another. It started with the TV repairman going out of business and the drug stores all being bought up by Walgreens and CVS. Even the car dealers are going away time is passed. Blockbuster? One hour photo? Pontiac? Gone.

Bob hands Martha the six plates of food for the Rodriguez family all pancakes except for one kids meal of chicken fingers. Anybody who's ever had kids knows there's always one like that. Pancakes for all and one chicken fingers with fries for him. He's always been like that. Robbie says years from now when everybody's driving electric cars the kid will be driving a diesel

Martha goes back to the counter and starts wiping the counter which she just wiped twice before …but she had to think. This was not wiping to clean this is wiping with anxiety this was “ wiping to think”.

Bob looks at her from the pass through window. After all these years he knows what she's thinking better than she does.

He nods to her “ I know you want to do the stranger thing. I just know it.” She nods back at him. The Fernandez’s finish up their meal Robbie motions for the check. Some remnants of pancakes are left but the chicken fingers and the fries all gone.

Martha brings comes over to the table and tells Robbie the bill it was picked up by the stranger in the corner that just left. Merry Christmas.

The look of relief and surprise was palpable. A simple breakfast that would have been a second thought to pay for years ago is a luxury now, a treat.

Now they can afford another treat, the gas to go see Sophia’s sister’s family perhaps?

As Martha goes back to the corner to wipe the counter the fourth time Bob confronts her “you told them it was a stranger in the corner right ?”

“Of course, what if word got out?” wiping the table “Can’t do this for everyone you know”